Has writing affected my love life?


So you want to know how writing romance novels has affected my own love life? Okay, here goes.

The real big change in my love life happened when I started reading romance novels. I think you know what I mean. But to say that things heated up because I was reading sexy novels is fairly obvious. The more subtle changes are the ones that ended up being the more profound.

I started feeling better about myself and my body. I had just had our third baby and I was not in peak physical condition (hell, I don’t think I’ve ever been in peak physical condition). Yet, I learned to appreciate my body and even love it (this ended up being the main theme in my third novel, Let Love Heal). Reading romance novels made me more confident and not just in the bedroom. Buying clothes became more fun and I actually enjoyed wearing nice clothes – by nice, I mean not an elastic waistband and Mommy-wear.

Eventually, that confidence translated into me wanting to write my own romance novels. I felt like I could finally tackle the stories playing out in my head. That’s when the real changes in my marriage occurred. For one, writing opened the lines of communication in ways I never imagined. My husband became my beta reader, my marketing assistant, my sounding board, my tech support – he became my business partner and it became a joint venture. We have a daily to-do list regarding book stuff and often he’s the one who reminds me of what needs to get done.

Now, down to what you really want to know – what about my sex life?

Well, I’m not going to get nearly as explicit as you’d hoped, but yes it’s helped in that department, too. Not that there was a need for help, but again, with being more communicative we’re able to be more open with each other. Asking for what we want and so on. Sadly, there’s less time, but that’s what happens considering we’ve each taken on an additional job in writing and marketing my books.

I’m sure you want to know if some of the scenes I’ve written were inspired by real life events. And the answer is – NO! That would be weird for me to include something so personal. However, what’s really interesting is that when I write a very emotional scene (the end of part one in Let Love Live, or the funeral scene in Let Love Be) it makes me feel closer to my husband. I’ve often had to imagine what it would be like to lose the person I love the most in order to capture those emotions and that makes my own emotions run very deep.

I’m by no means a relationship expert, nor can I say that my marriage is perfect – in fact, it’s far from it, but we’ve learned how to integrate something that is very time consuming and stressful at times (a writing career) and make it a part of our lives. To me, that screams successful.